Everything

One year ago today I was in a hospital bed holding a part of me, a stranger that I knew I would fall in love with every day for the rest of my life.  Honestly, life couldn't be any sweeter.  Levi brightens my life with every smile, giggle, kiss, and, believe it or not, every diaper.  Last year, I lay in that bed trying to imagine why God decided to entrust me with with such a special little package.  My life has continued to be blessed ever since.  

This afternoon, I was flipping through his baby book and feeling pressured to fill in every blank and answer every question.  Silly, huh?  One question in particular prompted me to write this post..."What have I learned this past year?"  I'm not really sure how to answer this question.  How do you sum up a life altering change in just a few blank lines.  As those blank lines stared at me, taunting me to write some fluff, I opted to shut the book, take advantage of Levi's nap time, and snooze a little myself.  

I'm not quite sure what I've learned this year...I feel like I've had to learn EVERYTHING.  Those of you who haven't experienced it yet, after becoming a mother, I'm convinced you are issued a new brain.  Most mothers will testify that they lost brain cells after giving birth.  I definitely believe I'm more confused and forgetful than ever before, just ask my mother.  However, maybe it isn't because I lost brain cells, maybe it is just because I was given a new brain, a mother's brain.  The reason my answer to the question in Levi's baby book is "everything" is because I feel like I, with my new brain, have had to learn everything new...everything a mother needs to know.  I've learned how to tell time based off of Levi's cry...time to eat, time to nap, time for a diaper change.  I've learned that you don't actually need 8 hours of sleep to function during the day...5-6 hours will do (although this isn't my preference!).  I've learned which silly children's songs are perfect for the occasion...whether it is bathtime, bedtime, or diaper time.  I've learned how to be creative to distract a wandering, curious boy or simply to cure boredom in places that are not child friendly.  I've learned that banging your head repeatedly on a hard surface (wood floors, brick walls, or mama's head) does not always cause pain or need for worry...it is just a way to cope with the day to day stresses of being a little baby boy.  I have also learned how a smile from a bright, blue-eyed boy won't only melt the heart of his parents, but also those hurting from the pains of a sinful world.  I've learned that the giggles, screams, and silly games of an infant will wash away the stresses of work and any other complaints I selfishly dwell on.  I have found a new love for my husband as he assumes the role of father, one of the most important examples and relationships Levi will ever have.  I have found a strength in myself I never knew I had.  A strength to say "no" to temptations that may prevent me from being the best I can be for Levi.  A strength to fight against this world, our media, and all of the things I'm terrified will harm and corrupt my child.  I have discovered a growing desire in myself to not settle for mediocrity.  I want and need to be the best I can be for Levi.  I have also gained a greater appreciation and love for our Savior and the sacrifice God made for his children.  

Through much trial and error, I'm sure my new brain will continue to develop.  I just hope I won't continue to be so forgetful, absent minded, and confused.  Sometimes I just want to slap myself because I do and say some of the most ridiculous things.  Maybe all of that has to happen in order push out whatever clouds my mind and keeps me from being "on my game" for Levi.  I just can't imagine how much crazier I could get!

All that aside, I just want to wish my growing boy a happy birthday and thank God for knowing exactly what I needed when He blessed us with Levi Allen.  My heart has never been so full.  I love you baby and thank you for all you've taught me this year.